BEATEN BY UNDERCOVER SOLDIERS

I was at the Chari Maigeri Barracks lokoja (Kogi State) as at 11:00 am this morning, when almost a battalion of soldiers from kaduna, Makurdi, Ibadan etc who have been camping here all the while, started filing out in about Eight truck loads. They were cocking their guns, singing war songs, preventing motorist from moving, as well as chasing away onlookers, as they move en route okene.

They scene looked more as from a war movie scene (Band of brothers), so i felt i should capture this electric moment on phone and share with my nairaland community. I located a spot in the crowd, brought out my phone and positioned it at an angle am sure no one would see it, not knowing that some soldiers were on mufti with us in the crowd. Before i knew it, one of them spotted me and this happened next:-......

soldier 1:Hey u, what are you doing?
Me: who me?.... gbosa! gbosa!! *receives slaps*
soldier 2: who is that?
soldier 1: he is holding a camera!
Me: its a phone, am listening to music gbam! liar! *receives another slap* kicks *more slaps*
-continued beating and phone seized-
soldier 1: You be boko haram abi? u wan tell ur people for okene say we the come hen?
soldier 2: drag am out, danboroba shege(hausa)
A soldier friend identifies me from afar, crosses the road, and immediately prevented me from being dragged out!(Thank God for that, i guess i would have been shot). Asked me to mix with the crowd and dissapear before others notice.
i ran and did not look back. Went back after an hour to collect my phone from my soldier friend who asked me to better go for thanksgiving on sunday, if he had not spotted on time i would have been history.

i wonder what came over me, taking a filmed shot of soldiers going on a shoot-out with those okene boys for killing two soldiers last week. So far, they have wasted over 57 people in okene since their raid started, no wonder okene is like a ghost town.

Thank God Am Alive, with my phone in good condition, but was unable to retrieve the videos because it was deleted before the phone was handed over. If not for my friend, the soldiers wanted me in guard room for 3 days with enough frog jumps.

Its a pity i lost the video, it would have been wonderful to have their parade clip here.

Courtesy Nextworldnx

SHOOTING DA GRIN.

(two friends waiting in the reception to see another old friend)

Noah: Menn. Gbenro don large up o. See as his reception large!

Wale: Na so me sef shout the first time he brought me here. The guy is doing fine for himself.

Noah: All these photos on the wall. Does he now all these superstars or what?

Wale: Yeah. I met Timaya here last time. He is into event photography and graphics big time.

Noah: (stands up to view the wall photos). See the wizi wizi whisky. See Omawunmi o. And even the late Da Grin? Na lie! Na web pictures jo!

Wale: Its true man. You know he actually shot the last video and photo session of Da Grin some days before he died.

Noah: Are you serious?

Wale: Yes.

Noah: For real?

Wale: Here he is. You can ask him.

Gbenro: (smiling) That’s one of my early works.

Noah: You mean……..He….(turns to Gbenro) You………SHOT DA GRIN?!

Gbenro: (surprised, smiles)

Noah: It’s not funny. Remind me never to allow this man shoot me ever. Even if the session is free.(looks up) God, help me to resist the temptation.

(they all laugh)

Gbenro: Lets go in guys. Infact, Rose get my still camera and bring it to studio one, I got to shoot Noah right now.

Noah: No noo noooooo you are not. You are on your own. (They laugh and walk into Gbenro’s office)

HONOUR IN FUEL

(Hon Patrick Obayaigbon drives into a petrol station in his range rover sport car)

Hon Patrick: Guy, abeg give me full tank (in benin language)
Attendant: I only speak English, sir.
Hon Patrick: Ok brother (Sits up on the chair). Good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized automobile. Therefore i cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim with conjectural congealment
Attendant: Bros na play i dey play o, my name na Omoh, you fit talk am for pidgin!

 

Courtesy Laffrave

IN YOUR EYES

(A group of college students gather on a playground en route a field trip)
Ngozi: (rushes to join her waiting friends, hugs them, exchange pleasantries, hugs Segun)
Segun: (hugs her, pulls back, looks in her eyes shocked)
Ngozi: What?( sneers at him) What?!
Segun: There is something in your eyes!
Ngozi: What? What is it Segun? (scared)
Segun: Wait. Wait. Don't panic. Don't touch it.
Ngozi: What is it Segun?(gets hysterical)
Segun: Your eye balls. Beautfuuuullllllllll.
Ngozi surely had him smacked

Up and coming Hunger (Comedy)

Artiste: (dials his music producer, talks on phone) Hello man. wasssaaapppppp!
Producer: Chairman.  How far?
Artiste: Are we still good for tomorrow’s session and at the same time?
Producer: Sure now. 8am
Artiste: That one early o. I will have to leave home too early to eat. Please try and make some fried chips, sandwich with ketchup available for consumption.
Producer: Wait o (laughs). Are you sure you have the right phone number? This is Snareboom Studios not KFC eateries (both laugh over the phone)