Collecting Ibadan Babe's number.

 

When you ask an Ibadan babe for her phone number u go hear :"Sero hate Sero, sis hate sis, tiri hate sefun, noi-noi,das my hen ti hen nober".

Written by

Adeline Odubanjo 

Super Osaze Laments.

Read this Super Eagles Star's  yarns earlier today.

Osaze: A coach the country is praising now will one day be sacked and to his achievements they will say: only one cup? I beg.

Very little thing made me fall out with ex-Eagles coach Siasia, and that's club commitment. And that commitment was questioned after. And what did that teach me? You only a good guy and professional when you score and give your teams what they want. They throw us out after.

When I give all my heart and effort to a team and get overlooked after, how could I possibly be happy? Same in Eagles. Same in WBA. "Well praised and most criticised at the same time. Something is wrong somewhere. And I bet it’s not in my attitude. I believe in transparency.
Source
Twitter

Patience, Come Forth.(A First Lady's Lazarus Experience)

 
Patience Jonathan: I actually died. I passed out for more than a week. My intestine and tummy were opened. I am not Lazarus but my experience was similar to his. My doctors said all hope was lost. It was God himself in His infinite mercy that said I will return to Nigeria. God woke me up after seven days.

It is the Lord’s doing that I returned alive. When God says yes, nobody can say no. People are always afraid of operation (surgery). But in my own case, while my travail lasted, I was begging for it after the third operation because I was going to the theater every day. It was God who saw me through. I did eight or nine operations within one month.

I know that some people somehow leaked the information that I was dead. They are people that I trust and rely on. To them, I was dead and I would never return to the country alive. Some of them even sold my things off.

It was not an easy one. The day I came back, I said God I have nothing to say, I offer myself to you. I will be doing things that will touch the lives of the less privilege. God gave me a second chance because I reached there. He knew I had not completed the assignments He gave me that was why I was sent back

Written by:

Ibukun

Banky Wizkid (The Break up Diaries) Part 1

Banky W: I am not gonna pretend like your absence from the team will not be felt, you will be replaced by a better artiste.

Wizkid: I can never be replaced. You mistook my loyalty for stupidity. So don't get mad that I have decided to move on with my life.

Banky W: I never knew you were such an ingrate.I made you who you are today and that fact is something you can never deny. I wish you all the best.

Wiz Kid: Going live on U stream in a bit. Let's get it.

Source
Twitter.

GOLDIE'S RECENT CHAT ON MARRIAGE AND SEX

Are you thinking of marriage at all?
Goldie: "I'm thinking of when I will get billions in the bank. There's more to life than just being Mrs Somebody"
So what happens when you get pregnant?
Goldie: "Is it not when you have sex that you'll get pregnant? How do you want to get pregnant when you don't have sex?"
Hmmm. So how long have you not had sex?
Goldie: "Are you my doctor? But bros, if I'm going to be honest with you, this year, at all all. Maybe that's why I'm loosing weight (laughs) no vitamins."


Courtesy
City People Reporter


(I guess there is more to life than billions in the bank too. What really is life about? Many questions without answers. Hardworking young woman dying without a chance of recuperation. This is one point where i wish someone will raise the dead. So sad. Answers can only be found with God. Find him through Christ today)

VALENTINE'S DAY ADVISE TO NAIJA

The fall of a dead leaf is warning to the green ones but when a green leaf falls and dies it becomes a warning to the entire tree including the buds. For those of you who are passing this Valentine night on the laps of a woman who is not your wife, be careful. Death can call you home anytime. Can u stand before a fearful God? Are you saved by his son Jesus?


Written by
Techwriter
Location(Online)

LOVE ME NOT MY BODY

My wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”
I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I did not have sex that night either.

Written By,
Anonymous

Aboki Robbers

Yesterday, 4 aboki men go rob 1
bank 4 our street. 

As them enter, the
aboki wey carry gun come shout;
"Ebri body lie down, if i luk me,
walahi me i go shoot". Na hin one man
open hin eye look am.

D aboki
shout for am say; "Oga, i no dey
hear kwo? Walahitalahi if i luk me
again, Na hell i go c myself". 

So small time, the man com look am
again. 

Na hin the aboki come vex shout, "Walahitalahi Oga if No b say
dis guns wey we bring na toy, I for don blow your head".

 

Written by

Anonymous

Question and Question

There was a white man who came to Nigeria by air.
When he reached the airport the following dialogue ensued.

White man: Is this the Lagos airport?
 

1st person: Are you with your senses at all?

(the man left him and went away.
 The white man saw another Nigerian and asked him the time because his watch was not correct with Nigerian time).

White man: please sir, can you tell me the time?

2nd person: Is this your watch not functioning?

He then observed that Nigerians answer question with question, he asked one man

White man: Why do Nigerians answer question with question?

3rd person: Who told you?

The Lasgidi Hustle

Lagos as a place can be referred to a Mecca of some sort where people from
around the world come together with the notion that coming here adds a
title to their name.

People of different color,shapes and sizes flocking
around like newly transformed zombies from as early as 5a.m to as late as
10p.m.It makes me wonder about the high rate of unemployment in the country
when i see so many people at a time walking about,all acting like they have
somewhere important to be.It gets me pondering if all the offices and
buildings that label themselves companies really have people working in
there...if they do then where the hell are the men and women i see in
official attires walking around aimlessly always heading to?...the latest
craze is audition centers.

Forty percent of Lagos population are now
wanna-be actors and actresses and musicians..The caliber of people i meet
at auditions brings shame to the arts of filming.Some are not even meant to
be cast as extras or wakapass but yet they tell you they are gunning for
the lead roles. You wonder why some people most especially females even
bother showing up.Some of them who look like people raided from a circus
even have the guts to tell you to your face that they are actresses and
this is with no proof of training whatsoever.The blame is not on them
though.I put the blame on some shameless organizers who organize auditions
just as an avenue to lure girls into their beds with the promise of making
them into the next Omotola or Ini Edo.I was disappointed at a recent
  audition organized by a well known and (before now) respected actor.It
became obvious at a point that the whole purpose of the audition was to
secure beautiful girls for their personal benefits.The big name behind the
audition was nothing but bait to lure these unfortunate but very beautiful
girls to the audition centers.It became obvious at this particular audition
that men or guys were of no interest to the organizers regardless if you
even had talent or not. We guys were merely asked to give our names and
walk out while the females were auditioned for their beauties rather than
brains or talent.

If you feel i am exaggerating then how about this. An
average of 1,000 auditions for soaps every year in Lagos and only one or
two new soaps make it to your TV screen.You do the maths.These victims (as
we all are) until there is a breakthrough remain relentless though and
determined to make it and never give up and that struggle is what you will
never take from them.Call them lazy, label them people with no ambition but
i say hustling in this manner beats turning to armed robbery and
prostitution any day.Lagos...Lasgidi..land of the tough and definitely a
pride of our beloved country any day,anytime remains my home for now and the
flame of passion and flare to make it out here will never burn out....


Writer
Marley Omuni